EAT ME!

DEAR COREY HART: WHEN I WRITE, I WEAR MY SUNGLASSES IN THE DAYLIGHT, WHEN I DON'T WRITE, I WEAR MY SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT

OKAY...here we go...let's wd40 this dirty fucker...get it all lubed up...so we can get those rusty balls off...i mean, bolts off...give a few blows through the old corn holes...maybe stick a few pens under the couch cushions so we can find them a few years later...i mean...what i meant to say was...to my dearest of cult members...5 days in the life of william brown!!!...as he attempts to write his new book "SUNSHINE KID DETECTIVE AGENCY"...a fascinating, behind the scenes look...an attempt to peak through the blinds and see how it all works...the creative process at work...the thrilling day to day life of a writer at work...girls, vodka, fast cars, cocaine!...well...hmmm...okay then...let's just say...let's just casually mention...by the way...sunnyside up or scrambled?...would you like a little yogurt on the side?...fuck this bullshit...let's go...

DAY 1...THE SERPENT KING
Today i woke up and started reading "firestarter" by stephen king. That man writes page turners i tell ya...couldn't put it down. It's about a kid that can start fires with her mind...pyrokenisis is the fancy, dancy term for it. She got the firestarting power from her parents, who were guinea pigs for an experimental drug called "lot 6" back in their college days. Well, this drug gave them some ESP type powers which went to another level when they had a kid. Stephen king in his book called "on writing" says two of the main things you should do as a writer is to "read and write alot"...well, today i read all day and did dickity doo-da on the writing front...1 out of 2 ain't bad i guess...well that's not true...i did write this down...but i wrote it pretty quick...tomorrow i will put the book down and write! DAY 2...FOOTBALL HELMETS TURN ME ON
Forgot today was sunday...i watch nfl football obsessively on sundays. People find it surprising to find out i'm a sports junkie. I jokingly say "that it makes me feel normal...one with the masses...with the men of our great nation!"...now i know, i know...you're saying "sports is a waste of money and time, that it's used by the powers that be to take your mind away from more important things...that it's a modern day gladiators or bull fighting...that all you're really doing is cheering for uniforms...all you're doing is cheering for rich men that don't give a rats ass about you." Like i said...i know, i know...i've read my noam chomsky like a good little leftist boy...i mean, the funny thing is that i could tell you more about the quarterback of the minnesota vikings than my own dad! Speaking of which, the reason i watch football with a crazed look in my eyes is because i gamble on the games for money with my dad. It's actually increased our communication with one another...i actually call him now!...and i'll email him a dozen times during the course of a week ranting and raving about how this team fucked me over or that player jerked me around. Anyway, i get a little passionate, a little emotional on sunday....therefore, there's no way i can write in that kind of mindstate...i'll write tomorrow...

DAY 3... DO-IT-YOURSELF COMPUTER NEUTERING...WORK FROM HOME!
You know what the worst thing you can do if you're trying to write a book?...it's to make a coffee and then turn on the computer. Fuck is that a writer killer!...you end up checking your emails, going on facebook, downloading some music illegally (shhh), watch some youtube videos, check the weather etc.etc.etc....and then when i finally will myself to shut it all down and walk away the caffeine from the coffee kicks in and i want to move around...do something physical...so i use that fake energy to go down into the forest cut down a tree, buck it, quarter it...and then hike it back up and put it into my woodshed...by that time the caffeine has worn off and i'm feeling tired, so i lie down in my yurt and watch the clouds drift by the dome in the ceiling. After i watch the clouds for awhile i realize that the day is pretty much shot so i say "fuck it" and turn the computer back on...i'll write tomorrow...

DAY 4...ANNE RICE
The main character in the book i'm writing uses a pendulum to make decisions. So i figured i'd try it out in real life, to make my character that much more authentic. So i spent the day researching online...youtubing "how to use a pendulum" and then trying it out myself...asking important questions and then seeing which way the pendulum swung. I guess the pendulum is supposed to move according to the will of your subconscious or some such thing, or maybe some guy in the higher realms is in charge of "pendulums" and how they swing, i don't know...it just felt to me that i might as well have flipped a coin...heads i do this, tails i do that. I mean, when i don't move my hand the pendulum doesn't do anything and when i do move my hand i feel i'm consciously directing the movement in the direction i want it to go in, so i can add weight to what i already wanted to do in the first place. I don't know, a couple of people who come into MOONMONSTER'S SECRET CAVE use their pendulum alot. My astrologist, cult member #71, uses his pendulum to help him pick which anne rice books he's supposed to read. Another guy uses his pendulum to figure out what percentage my aura is at. What i need is more info...or more practice...or more something. Anyway, i got so involved in this pendulum thing that i didn't write today...i'll write tomorrow...

DAY 5...MY DOG'S NAME IS "MISCHIEF"
I had this dream recently where i was having sex with this hot little number...with this sizzler of a sex freak!!!...woa, woa, woa...i mean, i had this dream recently where i was having sex with my wife!...yeah, that's the ticket...and i was about to orgasm when she un-stradled me and started to walk away..."WHAT THE FUCK!?!...WHERE ARE YOU GOING!?!"...she turned back to me and said "i have to go, little bear is barking and needs me."..."LITTLE BEAR!?!"...i yelled...and then i woke up hearing my next door neighbours dog "little bear" barking right near my door...barking in that non-stop little dog bark..."fucking dogs" i muttered and then fell back onto my pillow nursing my blue balls...

There are 20 dogs and a psycopath within baseball throwing distance from me. I'll leave the psycopath for another day...but those dogs...oh those dogs...and out of those 20 dogs...5 of them bark alot...and 3 bark constently...i live in a yurt which is like a giant tent with canvas walls and sound easily enters inside. The dogs will bark at anything that moves...a person biking on the road, a coyote howling, a leaf falling, a deer pissing...you name it, and they're going crazy. They all feed off of each other too...one will start barking and then the others will follow suite. I wake up to dogs barking in the morning, eat with dogs barking, make love with dogs barking, meditate with dogs barking and go to sleep with them barking. I can't tell you how many times and in how many ways i've killed some of those dogs in my head. The psycho above me has 8 dogs and they are the worst...but this guy is a ticking time bomb ready to go off...and i really don't want to be the guy that lights that bombs fuse. The people next to me have 7 dogs...including little bear...one of those annoying little dogs that are in a constant state of neurosis and fear, causing them to bark endlessly. I work through these barking dogs as best i can though and pray for rain or snow or freezing cold, cause that's when the dogs don't bark as much...anyway, the dogs were barking like crazy today which was making me all violent inside and i don't like to write when i'm violent, especially when i'm trying to write a book with alot of comedy in it. So, scratch another day off the list...

i'll write tomorrow...

chasing rainbows on tour

FREE ART!!!

THE CULT OF WILLIAM BROWN PRESENTS...

FREE ART?...what do you mean william brown?...well, my friends...in this secret spot in Winlaw i have a number of my collages available for free...maybe you're a person that would love to have art up in your home but can't afford it?...well, now you can add some spice to your walls, courtesy of the cult of william brown...remember, i'm your friend till the end...choose from many different topics and styles...like...

...how could nature be horrific?...well for some people...things like bugs, heat, cold, rain, animals can scare the shit out of people!

or...

...what a nice scene...a man and his dog sitting around in a field on a nice summers day...who say cults are all doom and gloom?...

how about...

...puff the magic dragon...fastimes at ridgemont high dude...

maybe you didn't like that one and maybe this is the one...

...more money, more problems...like getting kidnapped and held by ransom by dada speaking ninjas!!

ponder this one...

...prescription pills in the form of a black person, being swallowed by a shark...hmmm...what does that mean willi bee?

let's look at another one...

...just when you thought your day couldn't get worse...

this one might be more for you...

...ahhhhh...now here's a heart warming story...our good friend E.T. reaching out to a man that ate people for fun...jeffry dahmer...yum, yum

the journey continues...

...hamsters rule the world!!!!!!!...

piss off your landlord, put holes in your walls...

...one man against a tank!?!?!?!?!?...with groceries in his hand!?!?!?!?!...that dude doesn't stand a chance...or does he?

one more for the road...

"HELP!!!!...WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!"...

now who would'nt want this uplifting scene in their home!?!?

CHASING RAINBOWS!...for really real!!!

william brown, sparrow and harvest the cat

chase rainbows for really real!

chasing rainbows over the mountains......through the trees...

...past a tipi......oops...

crashed the chasing rainbows school bus

into a glow in the dark dinosaur!!!

game over.

RAINBOW CHASERS UNITE!

THIS FRIDAY JUNE 25TH

4PM

"CHASING RAINBOWS"

BOOK LAUNCH

AND SPOKEN WORD

PERFORMANCE

MOONMONSTER'S

SECRET CAVE

SECONDHAND STORE

www.moonmonsterssecretcave.com

SPICER CENTRE

WINLAW

250-226-7080

WINE AND CHEESE

LAUGHTER AND LOVE

PROVIDED!

COME ALL YE RAINBOW CHASERS!!!!

CHASING RAINBOWS POSTER SERIES

UNLEASH THE BEAST!!!

...looking forward to getting back to lake lore gallery...one of my favourite places to perform...this should be a fun night...got some new routines and some new poems to throw around...a warm up before my june 25th performance...

CHASING RAINBOWS POSTER SERIES #2

...william brown is building a rainbow in his belly that he's ready to unleash...

Chasing Rainbows
book launch
and spoken word performance

june 25th at 4pm

moonmonster's secret cave
secondhand store

winlaw
226-7080

...thanks to sparrow for posters #1 and #2

CHASING RAINBOWS POSTER SERIES #1

DON'T KILL THE MESSENGER, KILL THE MESSAGE

WHEN MOONMONSTER'S ATTACK!!!!

...controversial cult leader/poet will be appearing ALIVE!!!...will be performing LIVE!!!...this sunday at 3pm in Winlaw (spicer centre)...the mysteries of the universe will bee solved...treats will bee eatin...the revolution will bee started...the art of william brown will bee solved...all this and more...

MOONMONSTER'S SECRET CAVE SECONDHAND STORE

ART/CRAFT SILENT AUCTION

WITH LIVE MUSIC, PERFORMANCES AND TREATS!

THIS SUNDAY FROM 2-5!!!!

http://www.moonmonsterssecretcave.com/

yes my friends, you did indeed read right...there will be a secondhand store opening May 15th in Winlaw!!!...so c'mon down and learn more about what's in store, this sunday from 2-5!!!

beware

take care

sin-cerely

your cult leader

william brown

RETURN OF THE JEDI

THE CULT OF WILLIAM BROWN

PRESENTS...

William Brown had been captured. A few minutes more and his lifeless body was hanging from a telephone post at eighteenth and harney streets. hundreds of revolvers and shotguns were fired at the corpse as it dangled in mid-air. Then, the rope was cut. Brown's body was tied to the rear end of an automobile. It was dragged through the streets to Seventeenth and Dodge Streets, four blocks away. The oil from red lanterns used as danger signals for street repairs was poured on the corpse. It was burned. Members of the mob hauled the charred remains through the business district for several hours.

THE RETURN OF

WILLIAM BROWN

NELSON POETRY SLAM

SUNDAY, APRIL 11TH

COCOANUT LOUNGE

7pm

FREE SEX!

WELCOME TO THE CULT OF WILLIAM BROWN!!!

My dear friends and loved ones, i have not only joined a cult...i have become a leader of a cult...THE CULT OF WILLIAM BROWN!!!...heheahaeheeha...the cult is based on the transmisions i have received from an entity known only as "william brown"...among other things...william brown was lynched in 1919 and has come back to seek revenge for his murder...whoops...what i meant to say was...that he is a fun loving entity that is bringing happy things...like rainbows, and bubbles and making men wear tight purple yoga pants!...whoopee!!...william brown enters into my mind when all is calm and quite...when the wind is soft and warm and the sky is blue...ahhh that sounds nice doesn't it...he creates the words that i write and perform...

for example...

i don't write poetry

for the intellectuals

to jerk off to

to snap their fingers to

i write poetry

for the common people

to make love to

to fuck to

for the revolutionary's to raise their fists to

for the down and outs to give hope to

...well...that was an inspiring bit of poetry now wasn't it...a little snippit then...a little taste of what's coming from the cult of william brown...it's fun to join a cult...to change your life...to make a difference...to get that community feeling...that kind of feeling where you are stripped of your identity, who you were...and then left like an empty vessel in which william brown will then help to fill back up...man, that sounds good don't it...sounds like something right up your valley don't it...well then...what are you waiting for...

...join the cult of william brown today!

(...or maybe tomorrow if you're too busy...)

COMING SOONER:

the return of william brown

to the nelson poetry slam

April 11th 7pm Cocoanut lounge Nelson, B.C.

the cult of william brown

solves the mysteries of the world

art fundraiser for moon monster's secret cave second hand store

winlaw (spicer center) april 25 2-5pm

more info...www.moonmonsterssecretcave.com

COMING LATER:

CHASING RAINBOWS

book launch

kootenay tour...may

2nd annual

POETRY IN THE PIT

summer in winlaw

PROPHETS BEFORE PROFITS

late summer tour from winlaw to whitehorse

beware, take care...

sin-cerely

your leader,

william brown

WHEN CULTS ATTACK!!!

GRAND OPENING!
ALL YOU CAN DRINK KOOL AID!
STAY FOR AWHILE, OR STAY FOREVEVER!
GIVE BLOOD!
I CARE ABOUT YOU!
FREE CANDY!
DIE FOR ME!
CARVE AN X IN YOUR FOREHEAD!
GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS!
BOYS! BOYS! BOYS!
YOU OWE IT TO THE CAUSE!
CULTS ARE COOL!
I LOVE YOU!
CAN I BORROW YOUR CAR?